Wow, what a roller coaster this past month has been for me.
I presently have absolutely no time to devote to anything remotely creative — as I’m slowly and painfully discovering — but I’m willing to throw out a quick update in train-of-thought word-puke form.
First, the most painful update: I did not get accepted into TFA.
And it was a quite shocking experience. There had been a loophole in the system where applicants were finding out early as to whether or not they were admitted through a glitch within the transitional funding section of the application. If you were admitted, your status said completed. If you weren’t, your status would say under review.
A few people caught onto this and emailed the admissions office — who adamantly stated that the transitional funding section was not an indicator of admission. This ended up not being the case because basically everyone who was completed was admitted and everyone who was under review was not and this glitch was present last year as well.
So, when my status still said under review the day before notification day, I broke into a small panic. But for some reason, had a glimmer of hope that admissions was telling the truth because I felt as though my final interview had gone well (minus the group interview section, where my entire group might as well have just gone hummanahummanahummana for fifteen minutes).
During this small panic, I called my grandma at the CVS by my campus and started crying by the postcard section of the store. One girl gingerly walked down the isle, saw me, and turned on a dime. Sorry for scaring you — the postcards just really speak to me.
The next morning, the official notice came in: rejection. Ouch, just typing that word is awful. Reject. Rejection… REJECTED! Do not enter. Unwanted. Unacceptable. Geeze.
I was pretty devastated and gave myself a day to cry it out. I mass messaged the people closest to me so that they wouldn’t have to ask me later. “Good morning! I DIDN’T GET TFA!!! *12 crying emojis, the gun emoji held to the grimacing face emoji*” The support from my friends, family, and even professors was overwhelming.
Some of my friends took it as their opportunity to tell me how they really felt about TFA (which is a controversial organization at the moment), expressed confusion, and of course… told me the fact that there will be more opportunities. A lot of people shared stories of their own rejections and reiterated that it’s not meant to be.
After 24 hours and a few inspirational talks with my best friends and family — so much love for you guys, I feel so loved by you all — I was back on my feet and would only tear up at small reminders of TFA… like a package of hamburger gummy candies at Ralphs because one girl had used them in her sample lesson.
It’s hard not to dwell on what I could have done differently, especially when my German couchsurfer, Lukas, told me, “Employers are like girls. They can smell the desperation. You have to treat them like women — give your attention to 5 or 20 and they will all want you.”
Questions began creeping in: Did I come off as too desperate? Do I have crazy eyes when I want something badly? Does Lukas think I am into women?
Was I too honest in my final interview, especially concerning the questions regarding fears? Was there small errors everywhere that added up to a final no? What part did my race and income background play? What did I do? I am perfect for this, why couldn’t they see that?
I have no bitterness around my rejection, and am so proud of my friends who did get in.
Even though it’s been just a week since the news, I feel great about my future. I can throttle forward with my plans to travel the world without having to solidify a return date — a once in a lifetime opportunity. Applying for TFA allowed me to consider potentially moving to Denver for a while after I get back from my extended adventure and sparked the idea of starting my own after-school program for children who have a hard time coping with stress (learn more about how stress affects children here!). After all of this — law school.
It’s all so exciting and I feel like I’m young and ready to explore everything that this awesome world has to offer.
On another — happier — update: I just spent the past few days in San Francisco (which I will post about ASAP) touring law schools, meeting inspiring people, watching the 9th Circuit and CA Supreme Court oral arguments, causing mayhem in the city, and growing closer to 8 amazing classmates and our beloved professor. I know that great things are ahead and the fact is that no organization or person can determine the awesomeness of my future. Or yours.
Have you ever been rejected? What are you excited for right now? Share your experiences below!